A friend’s gaze cannot be compared to any other. It accepts us as we are, in our entirety, in our light and shadow. It perceives us in our struggles, in our strengths and weaknesses. Our friend’s gaze does not rest on our perfection or imperfection, nor depend on agreement or disagreement. A deeper understanding lies in a friend’s gaze, an understanding beyond rationality, an understanding that honors the incomprehensible mystery.
Friendship can crop up anywhere—sometimes just in a glance. Friendship can arise in a marriage, among colleagues, between parents and children, but also between complete strangers. It has no predetermined external form and cannot be prescribed. It arises as a human quality. Sometimes, it is hindered by circumstances. Sometimes, it is simply absent.
Friendship is free by nature. It does not impose anything. Friendship can allow distance to grow, because everyone should be free to go to the extent of themselves. Since the true substance of friendship is freedom, it must be able to pass through the null point, the point of absence, the moment when all ties seem to have disappeared, returning us to absolute solitude. Thus, in the ebb and flow of life, it seems to disappear again and again.
Lazarus-John, whom Jesus loved and who loved Jesus, needed the experience of distance. He had to go to the very limits of his self, his ego, and his destiny, ending up in the darkness and loneliness of the tomb. His relatives wondered why Jesus had abandoned him. Jesus simply let him live his destiny freely, right to the end. Both allowed the distance. And it was precisely this distance that enabled the emergence of a very special love: Lazarus-John became “the one whom Jesus loves”—the friend of Jesus, on an equal footing.
In true friendship, you never know whether you will meet again. Freedom rules. The fulfillment of individual destiny is desired. Every time friendship reappears, there is something of a resurrection, something that overcomes death. Friendship can be understated, because it is only one quality of love. It bears the stamp of individuality. Its substance is characterized by the “who.” In friendship, the other person lives in all their uniqueness, precisely because there is the highest degree of freedom. Thus, the relationship between Jesus and Lazarus-John cannot be compared to any other.
There was a day when I had descended into the dark depths of loneliness and helplessness. I was confronted with myself, unable to recognize any outside help, and all friendships seemed to have dissolved. As I lost all hope and solace, a gaze appeared out of nowhere. This gaze rested on me, full of benevolence and trust. It knew me. I knew it too, without being able to name it. It left me completely free. Silently, it seemed to say, “Come out of this grave!” But it didn’t say anything. This gaze, the friend’s gaze, was enough to make me stand up again and find my way back to the light of the world.
I now know that there is friendship at the core of the world. An infinite potential for friendship between all beings—human, natural, spiritual. The fate of the world rests on this potential for friendship. Friendship, the daughter of freedom, cannot be subjugated or forced; it can only be embraced and nurtured. It is a matter of being ready. Every human being can perceive the splendor of friendship, the friend’s gaze, in every encounter with every human or non-human being, and begin a friendship with the cosmos. Friendship humanizes everything in its path. Friendship is the only force that can prevent wars. If there is anything that holds the world together at its core, it is friendship—the friend’s gaze.
Translation Laura Liska
Photo From Shaping Light, Laura Liska, 2025.
