Pictures from Within

The Meditation Albums of Asya Turgeneva (1890–1966).

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In the autobiographical novel Zapiski chudaka [Notes of an eccentric], Andrei Bely describes the happy time he spent with his partner, artist Asya Turgeneva, in Ljan, Norway, a suburb of Kristiania (Oslo). In May 1912, the two had met Rudolf Steiner in Cologne. He invited them to Munich to attend the Mystery Dramas. They accepted Steiner’s invitation and, during a personal conversation with him, received their first meditation text in Munich. Further meetings and instruction followed from the spiritual teacher whom they accompanied thereafter on his lecture tours throughout Europe (as long as their financial means allowed). Thus, in September 1913, they traveled to Kristiania, where Steiner held a course on the Fifth Gospel in early October. Bely describes the intensity with which they devoted themselves to their meditation work there in his novel, fictionalizing his partner under the name Nelly:

“The places changed; the unchanging center remained—the work on thought; and—the thoughts conceiving themselves; and—Nelly blossomed passionately within them; and—we knew one another—each in the other; and—we fathomed one another to the deepest depths; […] I found drawn in Nelly’s album thought images of my life; there was—a dove of light spread out; and—a hexagram; and—wings without heads; and—a winged crystal; and—a spiral ornament (the pulse of the etheric body); and—a cup (or larynx—the Grail), a hippopotamus (or—the liver); and—snakes (the intestines); I know that the drawings are only symbols for the rhythms of the living impulse that penetrated us as a ray of thought.”¹ (see Figs. 1 and 3)

It is well known that both Turgeneva and Bely recorded their inner experiences on the anthroposophical training path in diaries and albums. Since they only had a rudimentary command of the German language, they did so through images, which they then presented to Steiner. International research on Andrei Bely has, until now, proceeded on the assumption that, apart from the 124 sheets of meditation drawings by Bely held in the Rudolf Steiner Archive and a few other bundles in Russian archives, no other records had survived. A little over a year ago, however, Silvana Gabrielli, who was working at the Archive at the time, discovered Turgeneva’s drawings in the storage area of the Archive. In an unlabeled package wrapped in packing paper, four sketchbooks were found containing a large number of drawings in pencil, charcoal, and color from the years 1911 to 1917. They span a period ranging from shortly before the couple’s first encounter with Steiner to the year following Bely’s departure from Dornach. Artistically, they trace the path of Turgeneva—a trained engraver—from pencil studies of the sense-perceptible world, through colored depictions of inner experiences and visions, to a renewed engagement with printmaking and the development of a light and dark technique which she refined into an anthroposophical graphic style under Steiner’s guidance in the years that followed.

The Discovered Meditation Albums

The four albums, which, at first glance, appear rather unremarkable, are numbered on the covers in Roman numerals I–IV (see title image). Many of the drawings they contain are accompanied by brief comments, mostly written by Turgeneva—first in Russian in pencil and later in German translation with a ballpoint pen. What Turgeneva noted in a cover letter accompanying Bely’s meditation drawings likely applies to these as well: she added comments in Russian to the drawings immediately after her visits to Steiner and then retranslated them into German in August 1966, a few months before her death on October 16.

In her own drawings, Turgeneva sometimes added place and year in ballpoint pen, often followed by a question mark. In some cases, she also accompanied her drawings with more detailed explanations of her own in German or Russian. And on two occasions, there is a comment by Steiner in his own handwriting—so he would even write directly on the works of his esoteric students.

Album I contains drawings in pencil and color; both sides of the pages were used. It seems that these drawings were started during a trip the couple took together between December 1910 to April 1911 when traveled through Italy to Tunisia, Egypt, and Palestine, and then returned to Russia by ship across the Mediterranean and Black Seas. The pencil drawings depict famous sites, landscapes, and people from Russia, Palestine, and Egypt. (see Fig. 2)

On the other side—where the Roman numeral I appears—the album begins with colorful images and pencil drawings from Vitznau on Lake Lucerne [Switzerland], where the couple spent October 1912. Here are drawn winged beasts identified by “Dr. St[einer]” as “mist demons” [Nebeldämonen], various bird-like beings, symbols, distorted faces, and animals, which, according to Steiner’s comments, mirror the inner imaginative life of his esoteric pupil. The album ends with drawings from Berlin, where Turgeneva and Bely stayed in December 1912.

The second album opens with entries from December 13, 1912, in Berlin. It begins with illustrated descriptions of specific meditation exercises and the resulting experiences and continues through the first months of 1913.

Album III consists of perforated sheets that were torn out to be painted on and then placed back between the book covers. It contains carefully executed color images as well as pencil sketches dating from 1911 (Russia) to 1917 (Dornach), thus encompassing both the earliest and the latest images in the collection.

Album IV also contains works in pencil and color; they span the period from 1914 to Christmas 1917.

Meeting with Andrei Bely

Asya Turgeneva, born on June 12, 1890, near Moscow, was a descendant of the writer Ivan Turgenev on her father’s side and of the anarchist Mikhail Bakunin on her mother’s side. In 1909, she met Boris Bugayev, who by that time was already a controversial poet of the Russian Symbolist movement and published under the pseudonym Andrei Bely. Turgeneva was nineteen years old and was training as an engraver in Brussels. Their first conversation was prompted by a photograph of Steiner, and they discussed his ideas. Turgeneva offered to draw a portrait of Bely, and the two grew closer.

Turgeneva was interested in occult literature and had also read Steiner’s How Does One Gain Knowledge of the Higher Worlds? and Christianity as Mystical Fact. Again and again, she was haunted by mediumistic phenomena. In Brussels, where she completed her training and was accompanied by Bely, the two encountered strange figures and had an identical feverish dream. This prompted them to make a spontaneous trip to Cologne in early May 1912 to attend a lecture by Steiner. Although Turgeneva did not speak German, she felt as though she had found her “own true home.” The personal conversation the following day also left an indelible impression. Steiner welcomed her warmly and invited her to Munich for the summer. There, in July 1912, they received their first instruction in anthroposophical meditation. Turgeneva recalls:

“So, with our hearts pounding, we made our way to Adalbertstrasse at the appointed time. Passing through a rather shabby stairwell, we entered an apartment crowded with people waiting. After a long wait, we were ushered in to see Dr. Steiner, who, without any preamble, wrote out a verse for each of us to meditate on in his beautiful, careful handwriting. Miss von Sivers translated mine for me and dismissed us with the promise to call us back soon. […] A new phase of life spanning several years began on that day. Experiences, evoked by the verse we were given, began to play an important role in our lives. Dr. Steiner encouraged us to record what we had experienced, explained it, and offered further insights.”² In his autobiographical writings, Bely also mentions diaries and reports that they had written for Steiner. In a letter to Turgeneva’s sister Natasha, he wrote in December 1912, “From Vitznau onward, we prepared many things for the Doctor: each of us prepared a notebook.” He further notes, “Starting in Basel, Asya drew everything she saw for the Doctor.”³ Turgeneva’s first album actually begins with the entry “in Wizzenau / 2 октябрь” [in Vitznau / October 2]. There, on Lake Lucerne, they spent the month of October and intensively practiced the meditations assigned to them. In November, they were in Degerloch near Stuttgart with Bely’s friend Ellis (Lev Kobylinsky) and his partner Johanna van der Meulen, who, at the time, were still students of Steiner’s esoteric teachings. Degerloch also appears as a location in the first album (see Fig. 3). In December, Turgeneva and Bely moved to Berlin, where they participated in the Theosophical Society’s Christmas program. Turgeneva recalls the “unforgettable warmth” and profound sense of being deeply moved by Steiner’s Christmas lecture, combined with an “intensification of experiences unlike anything before.”⁴

Life in Steiner’s Circle

Through February 1913, Turgeneva and Bely remained in Steiner’s circle, were involved in the founding of the Anthroposophical Society, and joined the Society on December 28, 1912. Afterward, they were forced to retreat to Volhynia (now Ukraine) to the estate of Turgeneva’s stepfather, as their funds ran out. In May, they were able to travel to Helsinki for the lecture series on The Occult Foundations of the Bhagavad Gita and were admitted to Steiner’s Esoteric School.

It was not until August 1913 that they returned to Germany and presented the results of their meditative work to Steiner in Munich, which he discussed and commented on at length. The autumn was once again marked by intensive meditation exercises and by the staggering impression that Steiner’s lectures on the Fifth Gospel had on them: “As the lectures progressed, the banally decorated hall with its doves painted on the ceiling gradually faded from view. The doves fluttered away, and something like a celestial dome, populated by beings of light, descended upon us. And below, those whom one could not see, yet whose presence one could sense, stood in a row . . . . In the middle was Rudolf Steiner, so tender and fragile in his black frock coat, his gaze wide open to what he was beholding. […] Deeply moved himself, his voice would sometimes fail him; the words came tentatively, spoken with great effort.”⁵

Deeply impressed by these lectures, Turgeneva and Bely decided to devote their lives entirely to the anthroposophical cause. In February 1914, they moved to Switzerland, living first in Basel, then Arlesheim, and finally at Blumenweg 3a in Dornach, within view of Villa Hansi [Steiner’s residence]. From then on, Turgeneva put her artistic capacities at the service of the anthroposophical movement: first, by playing a leading role in the woodcarving work for the First Goetheanum; then, by engaging in collaboration with Steiner to develop a hatching technique for light and dark drawing; and, finally, by playing an essential role in the design of the colored windows for the Goetheanum. After Steiner’s death, she curated the first exhibitions of his artworks and chalkboard drawings. She also contributed to the creation of the Collected Works by transforming Steiner’s chalkboard drawings from his lectures into line hatchings suitable for print and also by designing book covers.

Recurring Motifs in the Meditation Albums

Thematically, Turgenev’s meditation albums can be divided into four categories, covering the drawings from 1912 to 1916. Around 1917, there was a transition to a new light and dark technique and to a form of sacred art that expresses spiritual experience through religious symbols. (see Fig. 7)

In Turgeneva’s meditative images, animal figures appear—both realistic and fantastical—which Steiner characterized as imaginations of individual body parts or specific soul moods. Thus, the meditator’s “liver” appeared in the form of a horned animal (see Fig. 3), which Bely designated as a “hippopotamus” in a letter and also in the aforementioned quote. Turgeneva, in turn, imagined the “belly” or “intestines” as snakes. Bely commented on this in early December 1912 in a letter to Natasha, writing, “Meditation develops the imagination; you then see a variety of things in your imagination. But you cannot make sense of it: the Doctor’s indications, however, are astonishingly real […]. He explained to Asya a series of images as self-perceptions of the etheric organs (hippopotamus—liver, heart—thyroid, snakes—stomach).”⁶ Turgeneva also refers to this meeting with the “Doctor” in her memoirs and recounts his words from memory: “Just as you perceive the reflections of the ‘I’ in the physical body through the senses, so too do you see the reflection of your astral body in the etheric body, as well as what comes from the Akashic Records. Later, you will come to know yourself as a whole.”⁷

Another theme in the meditation albums is recollections of past incarnations. In her Reminiscences, Turgeneva reports that, during an audience, Steiner said of one of her drawings: “And that is you in one of your past lives.”⁸ Turgeneva’s inner agitation at this revelation is mirrored in the confusion of language and script that crept into her transcription of Steiner’s comment on this drawing dated October 14, 1912. Instead of the Russian word for priest (священник), she wrote “пристер” [prister, the German Priester in Cyrillic letters] but in German she used Cyrillic letters and switched to Latin in the middle of the word: “приster” [Cyrillic pri-, then Latin -ster]. (see Fig. 4)

During this audience, Steiner urged her to work on recalling her past lives. Consequently, there are several drawings titled “Erinnerung” [memory] that refer to incarnations in a medieval monastic order and in Egypt.

Another recurring theme in the meditation drawings is dreams. Bely reports that the changes Steiner introduced to his meditative work in December 1912 led to “strange states of consciousness” and to an alteration in the relationship between waking and sleeping.⁹ In Knowledge of the Higher Worlds, Steiner notes that through the meditative life and the development of the etheric body, consciousness changes during dreaming. Dreams would cease to “merely reflect facts of the physical environment or one’s own sensory body”; images that are “expressions of things and conditions of another world” would mingle with the dream images.¹⁰ One of Turgeneva’s dream images depicts three figures, with the figure on the left labeled “I” [Ich], thus appearing to represent the artist herself. The outlines of the two figures behind her appear to be of masculine stature and could refer to Bely. The image is dated “Munich [19]13,” meaning it was created during her visit to see the Mystery Dramas in August 1913. On the left side of the image two grotesque faces can be recognized in the landscape along with arrows indicating various directions of movement. Steiner wrote in his own hand on the back of this sheet: “Objectification of certain fundamental feelings that live between you.” (see Fig. 5)

A central theme of the albums is, of course, the meditative practices themselves, the progression of which Turgeneva continuously records. Figure 6 shows the third sheet in a series. Here, the meditator is depicted lying down. She senses her ‘I’ [labeled “Ich” in the figure] above her head and perceives her body as “very large and full of warmth” [meine Leib sehr gross und warm]. Her consciousness gazes into a “dark, cold room” [dunk[len] kalt[en] Raum] and suddenly beholds a “golden cross” [gold[enes] Kreuz] which, in the depiction, is shown as a sevenfold rosy cross. She wants to stop the cross, but it floats away “very quickly” [sehr s[ch]nell]. The description ends with the words, “So I remained for a long time in solitude and waiting” [So bl[ieb] ich lange [Z]eit in [E]insamkeit und warten[d]]. The text goes on to mention a “very large eagle” [sehr grossen Adler] and a figure that was drawn in yellow at the very bottom. (see Fig. 6)

In Turgeneva’s albums, the person meditating is often depicted lying down. Accordingly, Bely’s writings contain descriptions of a form of meditation that was evidently practiced while falling asleep and consisted of consciously experiencing the astral body and ‘I’ leaving the physical and etheric bodies at the moment of falling asleep in order to thus ascend into the spiritual world while in full consciousness.

Transition to a Light and Dark Art

During the war years, meditative work moved into the background. For one thing, Steiner suspended the Esoteric School at the outbreak of the war; for another, the strenuous physical labor involved in building meant that all one’s strength was focused on bringing this communal work of art to fruition. Consequently, there are only a few drawings from 1915 and 1916 in the albums.

In the summer of 1916, Bely was called up for military service and had to leave Dornach. Turgeneva fell seriously ill that winter after his departure; her strength was completely exhausted. Along with her life companion, the inner experiences of her early years with anthroposophy also vanished. “As if through a glass wall,” she felt “separated from the experience of spirit,” she notes in her memoirs.¹¹ Her convalescence lasted several months, during which Turgeneva had the time and leisure to return to graphic art, particularly etching. Dissatisfied with the results of her efforts, she turned to Steiner, who repeatedly offered her advice on the matter. Her account of her fruitful collaboration with him in this field, which spanned several years, is published in the volume on the Goetheanum windows (GA K 12). Through this collaboration, Turgeneva discovered a new hatching technique that dispenses entirely with outline and works solely from the hatched surface.¹²

The last sheets inserted into her albums bear witness to this transition. There is, for example, a charcoal drawing from 1917, which she executed as an etching that same year under the title Steiner had given it, “Eine Träumerei” [A reverie]. Another etching, from 1920 and titled “Eine Vision” [A vision], probably dates originally from 1914; in any case, there is a preliminary sketch dated to that year, as well as a version in blue, of a Madonna on steps, behind whom rises a double-domed building (Album III). Steiner had also sketched this “Madonna auf den Stufen” [Madonna on the steps] in order to show Turgeneva how a moving aura of light could be rendered in black-and-white technique.¹³

In her account, Turgeneva also mentions the motif of the “Guter Hirte” [Good shepherd], to which Steiner evidently gave the title “Ein Erleben” [An experience], and which she executed as an etching in 1918. She recalls that he praised the attempt “to carry an inner luminosity through the entire figure” and the fact “that the auric element is felt throughout the whole body.” This, he said, was connected with “after-death impulses” that must now intervene in humanity. The aura around the head, however, did look “like straw” and absolutely had to be rendered differently (see Fig. 7).¹⁴

Turgeneva’s etchings point to a new technique of artistic creation, one that works with light and darkness. Whereas in the meditation albums the artist still worked in an entirely classical manner, with outlines in pencil that were subsequently filled in with color, after her serious illness and the drying up of her intense inner meditative experiences, she found, in dialogue with Steiner, an art form that stands closer to the anthroposophical artistic impulse because it creates out of the surface. During this transitional phase, Turgeneva worked with religious symbols that were grounded in her own spiritual experiences.

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Translation Joshua Kelberman
Title image Asya Turgeneva, Meditation Albums I–IV, 1911–1917, Rudolf Steiner Archive, Dornach.

1. Andrei Belyi, Zapiski chudaka [Notes of an eccentric] (Moscow: Gelikon, 1922); Andrej Belyj, Aufzeichnungen eines Sonderlings (Dornach: Verlag am Goetheanum, 2012), 48 f.
2. Assya Turgeniev, Reminiscences of Rudolf Steiner and Work on the First Goetheanum (Forest Row, UK: Temple Lodge, 2003); first published as Assja Turgenieff, Erinnerungen an Rudolf Steiner und die Arbeit am ersten Goetheanum (Stuttgart: [Verlag Freies Geistesleben], 1972), 26 f. [The author’s name is transliterated differently here than in the article, likely with influence from the German – Tr.]
3. Daniela Ricci, “Из архива Н. А. Тургеневой: Письма Эллиса, А. Белого и А. А. Тургеневой” [Iz arkhiva N. A. Turgenevoi: Pis’ma Ellisa, A. Belogo i A. A. Turgenevoi] [From the archive of N. A. Turgeneva: Letters of Ellis, A. Bely, and A. A. Turgeneva], Europa Orientalis 14, no. 2 (1995): 329.
4. See footnote 2.
5. Ibid.
6. See footnote 3, p. 330.
7. See footnote 2.
8. Ibid.
9. Andrej Belyj, Geheime Aufzeichnungen: Erinnerungen an das Leben im Umkreis Rudolf Steiners (1911-1915) [Secret records: Memories of life in Rudolf Steiner’s circle (1911–1915)], 2nd edn. (Dornach: Verlag am Goetheanum, 2002); Andrei Bely, “Материал к биографии” [Material for a biography], in Андрей Белый: Автобиографические своды; Материал к биографии; Ракурс к дневнику; Регистрационные записи; Дневники 1930-х годов [Andrei Bely: Autobiographical accounts; Biographical material; Excerpts from a diary; Registration records; Diaries of the 1930s], ed. A. V. Lavrov and John Malmstad, Literaturnoe nasledstvo 105 (Moscow: Nauka, 2016).
10. Rudolf Steiner, Knowledge of the Higher Worlds: How Is It Attained?, CW 10 (Tiburon, CA: Chadwick Library Editions, 2020).
11. See footnote 2.
12. See Nana Badenberg, “Introduction,” in Rudolf Steiner, Zeichnungen: Karikaturen, Kostüme, Physiognomisches [Drawings: Caricatures, costumes, physiognomic studies], GA K 17–22, 25, 48/49 (Basel: Rudolf Steiner Verlag, 2025), 9.
13. See ibid., 10.
14. Assya Turgenieff, “Recollections of the Beginning of Studies in Light and Dark,” in Conversations about Painting with Rudolf Steiner: Recollections of Five Pioneers of the New Art Impulse (Great Barrington, MA: SteinerBooks, 2008); cf. Assja Turgenieff, “Erinnerungen an die Anfänge der Hell-Dunkel-Studien” [Recollections of the beginnings of the light and dark studies], in Rudolf Steiner, Die Goetheanum-Fenster [The Goetheanum windows], text vol., GA K 12 (Dornach: Rudolf Steiner Verlag, 1996), 52.